BDSM relationships make sex a vacation

kait sexpertsBDSM: Bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism. A fun little way to remember it is with Rihanna’s song “S&M”: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me.” Alternatively, film buffs might remember mathematician Alan Turing’s words: “Man likes violence because it feels good.” And to beat the already beaten dead horse, Fifty Shades of Grey became internationally popular due to Anastasia and Christian’s dominant/submissive sexual relationship. Why is it that, in the most intimate of human interactions, violence is so prevalent?

In my opinion, the appeal of BDSM can be explained in the same way that people decide to go on cruise vacations. It is about having a variety of options while simultaneously not having to make a single decision.
Like the many levels of a cruise ship, there are numerous, if not infinite, levels of BDSM relationships. Interested in some handcuffs or silk scarves? Go crazy at Fairvilla on Level 3. Interested in becoming a member of the leather folk? There are groups all over Orlando. Do you get sexual pleasure from being strung up 16 feet above a concrete floor? Head over to The Woodshed in Orlando, a BDSM resort of sorts. I will be at the ice cream machine with the other vanilla couples on Lido deck.
The appeal of BDSM, particularly for individuals who prefer to be in a submissive position, is that they are afforded the luxury of not having to think. While getting tied up or restrained with handcuffs and rope might seem a bit extreme just for some peace and quiet, so is jumping out of a perfectly functional airplane for an adrenaline rush. The two are not much different. A sadist is a person who enjoys giving consensually negotiated pain to produce an endorphin rush. A bungee jumping instructor is someone who enjoys strapping consenting individuals into a strait jacket and encouraging them to jump off a bridge. See?
On a cruise, you are paying for the idea that everything will be taken care of for you; cooking, cleaning, transportation, entertainment, and excursions are overseen by the cruise line. You are paying to do nothing and the freeing sensation that comes with having to do nothing. At the beginning of a cruise the overly perky cruise director reiterates this lack of obligations for SEVEN WHOLE NIGHTS onstage, eliciting cheers from middle-class Americans in the audience.
BDSM relationships are about giving up control and putting your safety and sexual pleasure in the hands of someone else. This requires being comfortable with sharing total intimacy at the very early stages of your relationship. This is scary. In a typical “vanilla” relationship, you can keep your walls up for a very long time, gradually letting your significant other see various levels of your personality and emotional vulnerability. BDSM relationships do not allow for that.
Due to the fact that these relationships are so physical and can put your health at risk, communication and divulging information is absolutely imperative. In fact, BDSM relationships employ the use of several acronyms that promote open communication between partners so that they understand the three Rs: risks, rewards, and responsibilities. Other acronyms such as RACK (risk-awareness consensual kink) and SSC (safe, sane, consensual) promote BDSM couples to take time to sit down and share their likes and dislikes about various aspects of their relationship, what they want to improve on, what changes they want to make, etc. Master Cecil, owner of The Woodshed in Orlando, defines a BDSM lifestyle as “a trust-based relationship between consenting individuals that is structures in a mutually fulfilling way.”
The premise of a trust-based relationship should not only be specific to BDSM relationships. Moreover, the structure of these “alternative” lifestyles could have healthful impacts to even the most “vanilla” of couples.

About Kaitlyn Alkass

Kaitlyn Alkass 15' is a Staff Writer at The Sandspur and studying English at Rollins College. Her previous internships include Where Orlando, Destination Weddings & Honeymoons and What's Up UK.

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