April Fools

Stray cats take over President’s office, become our overlords

March 31, 2019

Several stray cats asserted themselves as the new leaders of Rollins College after planning and executing an infiltration of President Cornwell’s office. The students of the Pinehurst organization, who have scheduled feeding rounds for the cats, had no idea of their intentions. “I could tell they were becoming more and more feisty, but I had […]

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Ramps to replace all stairs on campus? It’s more likely than you think

March 31, 2019

Throughout this semester, The Sandspur has worked to expose accessibility issues at Rollins and secure safe, reliable mobility for all students and faculty. Now, it seems that the newspaper’s efforts have come to fruition. Earlier this week, campus deans met with President Cornwell to solidify a milestone in Rollins’ history: In order to act on […]

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Actors hoping to ‘bare it all’ in new Annie show

March 31, 2019

Given the success of Parisian nudist theatre shows, an Orlando-based theatre company has decided to re-create the experience at our very own Annie Russell Theatre. The show, Can’t Bare It, will run from May 1 to May 11. “The naked theatre experience is one-of-a-kind.  We promise that there will be no going back,” says Cedric […]

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That guy in your class totally knows when Fox Day will be

March 31, 2019

That’s right, the guy in your class who wears his Oakleys on his forehead and whose wardrobe is a never-ending cycle of Men’s Bid Day and charter-fishing company t-shirts totally knows when Fox Day will be; just trust him, he has a system. “I mean, Grant did it really late the past few years, which […]

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Chef apologizes for alligator tofu mix-up

March 31, 2019

Vegan students were in an uproar last week after it was revealed that a Dining Services staff member mistook a bag of alligator meat for tofu. The chef was a new staff member who did not have much experience in the kitchen. “I was just getting into work, and it was 7 a.m., so I […]

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New mobility aids raise eyebrows, boulders

March 31, 2019

Facing increasing complaints about accessibility on campus during the ongoing construction, Accessibility Services offers a bold solution: providing personal bulldozers to students with physical disabilities, courtesy of Rollins Capital Projects. “I gotta say, it’s not what I expected,” said Wendy King (’21), who uses a wheelchair. “But, like, I’m down for it.” The idea originated […]

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Reports of Mr. Rogers seen on campus during alumni weekend

April 1, 2018

It is a not-so-beautiful day in the neighborhood here at Rollins College as student-reported sightings of the late Mr. Rogers pop up across campus. The sightings allegedly began over the course of Alumni Weekend—an event that, apparently, welcomed living and nonliving alumni alike. The first reported sighting was by Mary B. Lud ‘18 on the […]

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Drug-sniffing lizards placed in residential halls

April 1, 2018

As reports of drug use and abuse increase on campus, Rollins is introducing new security measures to ensure that its students remain drug-free. Next year, the campus will introduce drug-sniffing lizards that will live in the residence halls with students. Since last year, a select group of lizards has been trained to sniff out some […]

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Rollins student to star on ‘The Bachelorette’

April 1, 2018

After tirelessly listening to the female student body obsess over ABC’s hit show, The Bachelorette, Rollins has decided to create their own reality TV-based relationship competition. Airing on FOX Media April 10, Jamie Ernst ‘19 will star as the most eligible bachelorette at Rollins College. With glistening blonde hair, daggering blue eyes, and a flawless […]

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Hillary Clinton rigs SGA election, refuses to give up emails

April 1, 2018

The annual election of Student Government Association (SGA) President and Vice President has taken a turn in 2018 with a surprise winner. Though the race appeared to be between candidates Nagina Chaudhry and Greg Taicher against Nam Nguyen and Max Zarudnyy, neither team has emerged victorious. Instead, this year’s winner was a write-in: Hillary Clinton. […]

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