April Fools

Ward burglars scurry off with precious valuables

April 6, 2016

The reign of terror recently unleashed on Ward Hall in the forms of vandalism, burglary, and vomit has finally ended. From puke-filled bathrooms to stolen iPads, residents have suffered a wave of difficulties but managed to endure. Ward Hall has been violated in numerous ways, from lost wallets and missing watches to mismatched socks, single […]

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ROLLINS MAKES DANK MEME MAJOR

March 31, 2016

Following Rollins’ recent decision to offer several career-oriented majors, such as one focused on memes, students and professors alike are terrified about students actually being able to find jobs after graduation. “I just don’t know what I will do, like, without the liberal arts it will be so difficult for me to follow any career […]

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Sorority girl gets “too turnt”, turns into mannequin

March 31, 2016

Once upon a time, Dogwitch O’Spooky ‘∞ was just your average sorority girl, gossiping with her friends and hanging out on her sorority house’s balcony. However, after one “too-turnt” night out with her sisters, O’Spooky found herself feeling faker than usual. Little did she know, her excessive drinking along with the vibrations coming from the […]

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New President Eliminates Fox Day

March 26, 2015

      Though the faculty, administrators, and students of Rollins College were originally supportive of the decision of Grant Cornwell as the next president, his recently announced plans have made many reconsider. Most shockingly, Cornwell plans to get rid of Fox Day to save the campus money. “Fox Day is the best. I cannot […]

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April Fools: Beer Solves Budget Burden

March 27, 2014

In a shocking turn of events, after recent administration disgruntlement at the idea of a pub replacing Dave’s Down Under, the college has embraced the idea of serving alcohol to students. The Rollins Food and Drink Administrative Board made an announcement yesterday morning that the Cornell Campus Center will be replacing the little-used gluten-free station […]

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April Fools: Online Classes Outweigh Professors by Fall 2017

March 27, 2014

As of fall 2017, Rollins College will move all classwork online; in the following years, professors, and classrooms will become obsolete. All classes will be held solely on Blackboard and in other “virtual classrooms.”  Nick Maple ‘16 is enthralled with the coming change. “I hate sitting in boring old classrooms all day. Ya’ll need to […]

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April Fools: Rollins Sells Its Dorm Rooms and Classroom Seats

March 27, 2014

Widely known on the Rollins College campus exists a fiscal deficit that must be addressed in the next few years, if the school is to avoid major repercussions. While an earlier issue of The Sandspur discussed proposed solutions to the issue, we now have confirmation on some of the ways in which the administration will […]

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April Fools: Stoner Students Offered New Marijuana Major

March 27, 2014

In light of the expected legalization of medicinal marijuana in Florida later this year, Rollins College is preparing a new “Herbology and Business” major. The launch of the new major is designed to better prepare students for an increasingly competitive job market in the sales and management of legalized marijuana. Although the Rollins Greenhouse near […]

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April Fools: Winter Park Instititue Books Beyonce

March 27, 2014

The Winter Park Plaza has a new guest speaker: Beyonce comes to talk to Rollins students about what it means to be married to Jay-Z and, at the same time, serve as a role model to young girls. The singer will discuss her latest and unexpected self-titled album and provide advice to Rollins students who […]

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