The Sandspur

Issue date: 11/12/04 Section: Features

Dear Fox,
How do I tell my boyfriend that I don't want to date him anymore?
--Fearful of Anger

Dear Fearful,
Seven simple words: I don't want to date you anymore. I know this sounds difficult, but honestly, it is the only way he is really going to get it. Trying to give hints or signs, being mean and distancing yourself, or even hooking up with another guy are not going to work
unless you flat out tell him how you are feeling. Guys do not understand a lot of things, and certainly do not understand the games girls play. The best thing you can do in your situation if you really do not want to be with him is to be totally and completely blunt. This way, he can never say he did not have an idea what was going because you told him flat out. You just have to be strong and do it. Do not worry about hurting his feelings, I am sure he has hurt yours plenty of times. Good luck!

Dear Fox,
There's this boy that I like and hang out with all the time. In the past he's said he's not interested in me "in that way" but recently he's been getting more touchy feely. How can I tell if he's just becoming comfortable with me as a friend or if maybe he's starting to
change his mind?
--Relationship Lost

Dear Lost,
My first response would be to tell you to just ask him if his feelings have changed, but I know it can be very difficult to be that bold. If you are brave enough to ask, go for it. Being forward is often the easiest way to get a true response from someone. On the other hand, if you'd rather not go right ahead and ask him, try flirting back and see if he responds. If you aren't responding to his "touchy-feely" ways with your own "touchy-feeliness," go ahead and try that. See if he backs away or if he responds with good body language. You can also try and talk about other guys and see if he reacts with jealousy or if he encourages you to go for these other guys. It's very possible that after spending more time hanging out with you, this guy has realized just how awesome you are and he just doesn't know how to say it yet.

Dear Fox,
I want to sleep with this girl that I like, who also likes me. But every time we come close we've been drinking; however, we're still cool together during the days. How can I show her how much I like her without her thinking I'm taking advantage of her?
--Honest Boy

Dear Honest,
First off, I don't recommend having sex with someone who you aren't in a relationship with. It can complicate things and is dangerous when you don't know the person really well. STD's are a serious thing. Before having any type of sex you should make sure your partner has been tested. That aside, having sex while under the influence is another dangerous thing. It's against the law to have sexual contact with a person who is incapacitated due to the use of alcohol. You guys should definitely talk about the decision to have sex while you are sober. That way she knows that you really care about her. I think that having sex sober is a much better idea than doing it drunk.

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