2008 Woodie Awards
Ask The Fox!
Issue date: 3/25/05 Section: Life & Times
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I recently graduated and moved out of state to continue my
education, which would be a joyous occasion for me if my heart didn't seem to be stuck at Rollins. There was this guy, whom I never quite worked up the nerve to ask out until it was too late, and now I can't stop thinking about him. Even when I try not to see his face when I close my eyes, or smell his cologne in my memory, or even remember how great of a photographer I thought he was, I still think about him.
The problem is, if I can't get past the past then how do I move on to somebody else? Most of my friends would say that I should just start dating other people, but to me, that feels more as if I am dating these other people to get over him and that doesn't seem fair to the other party involved. What can I do to move past something that, in reality, has absolutely no way of happening?
~ Lost In America
Dear Lost,
Let me get this straight: it is months later, you live in a different state now, and you still think about this guy you had a crush on here at Rollins College? Naturally, the most logical advice I can give you would be to move on from the past and get over Mr. Crush because there are a thousand reasons why it might not ever work (obviously the fact that you live in another state is a significant factor). When it comes to matters of the heart I personally feel the best thing to do is not listen so much to your logic but to stop and listen to what your heart is really telling you.
You obviously were somewhat close to this person to be able to remember the scent of his cologne, admire him as a photographer, and to compare him to others you have been dating since you moved out of state to continue your education. You probably knew this "crush" on a more personal level. Maybe this Rollins guy from your past means more to you than you think? Now you are miles away and are realizing that there was something special about this person and you are probably regretting the fact that you never took a chance when you were here to tell him how you feel. Now your emotions are taking over and trying to tell you something. Walter Anderson says it best, "Our lives improve only when we take chances - and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves." My advice to you is to be honest with your feelings right now.
Are you still thinking about Mr. Crush because maybe you are finding comfort in the past because you are now in a new environment, starting over again, and possibly feeling a little lonely and even scared to face the future? Or maybe, just maybe, did you have deeper feelings for this person and now you know in your heart you have to reveal you feelings or suffer the consequences of never knowing what could have been? Even if you tell Mr. Crush and nothing positive comes of it, at least you will have closure and will be able to move on and stop putting him on a pedestal. I say take a chance on this one.....you honestly have nothing to lose! To me not telling Mr. Crush and having him in the back of your mind every time you are out with a new guy is by far the greater risk. Honey, be true to yourself on this one and don't be afraid of taking a risk!
~The Fox