2008 Woodie Awards
Ask The Chicken!
Issue date: 4/1/05 Section: Life & Times
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I'm a 20-year-old male dating a wealthy 92-year-old female. I met her through her grandson, who I went to high school with. We have been dating for about 3 years. I'm not in love with her, though I have been telling her family that I am. Her family is starting to get suspicious, and I need new ways to prove to them that my love is true, even though it really isn't. Any advice would be very appreciated. Thanks!
~ Elderly Lover
Dear Lover,
First of all, bravo for finding such a catch! Now you only have to hold out for a couple more years before you cash in big.
To address your question, there are a number of things you can do to prove to her family that you love her for real. An expensive idea would be to send her one carnation for every day that you have known and "loved" her. Send it with a "heartfelt" poem about how much you love spending time with her and love being in her company. This is an easy way to BS your love and show that you are devoted to her.
Another way to show her family that you love her would be to attend family gatherings, if you don't do so already. Make the effort to be there for family birthdays and holidays. I know it might take away from your personal time, but, remember, you only have a couple more years to put up with this woman. You can dedicate a couple days to proving yourself. And the more you prove yourself, the more the family will be willing to trust you.
Aside from family gatherings, a good way to be involved in the family is by participating in medical problems with your woman. At her age, I'm sure she has a number of medical issues that need to be addressed right away. Go to a couple doctors appointments with her and if she gets hospitalized, spend a couple hours "alone" with her, without her family around, even if you don't say much to her. To them, it will look like you truly care. Make suggestions for her health and support the decisions of the family if it is in the best interest of your woman.
Also, make sure you show lots of emotion if something happens to her. If you have to, on your way over, bring water along so you can dab it under your eyes. Act as if you are "out of it" and really focusing on her health and recovery.
Always appear that you have her in your thoughts, whether that is by calling her in the mornings to check on her, sending her cards and flowers, or fake crying in front of her family when she is sick. Remember, the more you act as if you WANT her to be alive, the more her family will believe it.
Lastly, don't forget to make sure you are grandfathered into her will right away, before anything happens to her. If she dies before you do this, you'll be out of luck and the last three years of your life will have gone to waste. Talk to her about how she needs to figure everything out now, and settle it so she doesn't have to worry about it later. If she loves you, she'll do whatever you say. Good luck!!
~The Chicken