The Sandspur

Issue date: 4/1/05 Section: Life & Times

Is the latest fad diet not working for you? Ever wondered why the food that is your favorite is the worst for you? Have you ever thought to yourself, why does everything that tastes so delicious have to be so unhealthy for me? Well there is hope: throw away those low-carb popsicles, sugar-free Easter candy, and Baked Tostitos, because new studies have shown that what used to be viewed as "bad" for us is actually good! What you are about to hear will change your life.

The latest health study has found evidence that, while we've all been led to believe that each of our bodies is affected the same by different foods, we were seriously misled. For example, statements like "salt will dehydrate your body," "chocolate gives you zits," and "cheese will clog your arteries" are all false. Wondering what the reasoning is behind this breaking news? Well, it has been found that endorphins, the chemicals released in your brain that make you feel good when your satisfied, play an important role in your metabolism.

The more you enjoy a certain food, the more satisfaction you receive, and thus the more endorphins are released. The more endorphins that are released, the faster your metabolism, and when your metabolism speeds up, your body has made room for more consumption of these foods. So basically what it comes down to is that, whatever you enjoy eating, go ahead and eat it, and your body will continue to work harder according to how much you consume. The harder your body works, the more calories you burn. See where I'm going with this? The more calories you burn, the more weight you'll lose!

Okay health freaks out there, I know what you're thinking: losing weight isn't everything to being healthy-there are other things to think of. Well there's news for you too. Stop exercising! Exercising strains your body. The more energy expended in outer bodily movement due to exercises such as strength training and spin class, the less energy available for activity within your body. This is a bad thing. If there isn't enough energy left to break down the foods you consume, your body will be filled with toxins and excess buildup that is unable to be eliminated. So sit down, relax, and drink a milkshake.

In the end, stop the suffering, head to Taco Bell or Baskin Robbins, and stuff your face! But don't forget, the key to this diet is that you must enjoy what you're eating. The choice is yours: don't tell your friends about this amazing discovery and let them suffer with Weight Watchers and pricey gym memberships, or share the news with everyone and help Krispy Kreme out of bankruptcy. Choose wisely!

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