2008 Woodie Awards
Ask The Fox!
Issue date: 4/8/05 Section: Life & Times
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Here is my problem: I was with my ex for six years until we broke up almost one year ago now because he wanted to experience the life he missed because of our relationship. I didn't want things to end and I have never stopped loving him. Now, though, he is coming back and saying he misses me, is confused, and loves me still. The thing is, I'm involved with someone new whom I love, but not as much as I ever loved my ex. I don't really understand why I feel this way. What should I do? I don't want to hurt anyone or do the wrong thing. Help, Fox!
~Torn In Two
Dear Torn,
Well, I see you have a big problem. First of all I have to say that you will never love anyone like you loved your first love. A first love is someone who holds such special significance that no one will ever be able to replace or replicate. Also, every relationship you are going to have is going to be different. Since every person loves differently and is unique, your love for them will also be unique.
My advice to you would be to take this slowly. This is a huge decision to make and you won't be able to do it in one day. Think this through before you decide anything.
Do you think your ex is coming back into your life because he's jealous that you have someone new? Do you think he truly wants to be with you, or he just doesn't want you with someone else?
Another huge question you need to answer for yourself is, are you happier now with this new guy? I know he's different, but does he make you happy in ways your ex couldn't? Has he taught you new things about yourself?
You know how things will be with your ex, but make sure you aren't going back for comfort reasons. I know your ex is comfortable but you can get just as comfortable with someone else if you let yourself.
Sadly, someone's heart is going to be broken. I know you love both men, but you have to choose which one you want in your life; you can't have both. I know you know this, but it is very important to remember.
You need to do what you feel in your heart is right. Weigh the pros and cons and figure out which would make you happier.
Ultimately, this has to be your decision and it has to be something you are completely happy with. Whatever you decide, you need to go through with it 100% and not turn back. Good luck!!
~Daisy Fox