2008 Woodie Awards
Ask The Fox!
Issue date: 4/22/05 Section: Life & Times
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I have been dating my boyfriend for almost three years. We go to different colleges now, but we went to the same high school together and are from the same home town. I love him with all of my heart, but about a year ago he stopped telling me he loves me all the time. He also stopped trying. We are always together but we never do anything interesting. I don't think he's cheating because he wouldn't ever have time to. But he just treats me like I'm his best friend or will always be there no matter what. My friends tell me I should leave him because I deserve to be with someone that loves me, but I'm lost. What should I do? I haven't really talked to him about it because I keep hoping he is going to start saying it again and being romantic. Help!
~ One-Sided Lover
Dear One-Sided Lover,
The first thing you absolutely need to do it talk to him! There is no way around it. I know you're scared because you're afraid if you talk to him, he's going to tell you he's not interested, but I don't think that's going to happen. What I think he will do is realize what has been going on and try to change.
He's still with you, and that counts for a lot. If you don't think he's cheating on you and he is still dedicating at least some of his time to you, then I don't think you should consider ending the relationship just yet.
What I think is going on is that he's comfortable. Once a relationship has gone on for quite some time, the individuals tend to think they have nothing to worry about and stop trying. This happens more with guys than girls because guys are typically less romantic and sometimes don't understand why romance is so important to girls.
You need to tell him exactly how you feel. Let him know you love him but that you need to hear it, feel loved, and have reminders every once in a while. He has gotten content in your relationship and does not think he needs to do anything to keep it going. However, he does. The thing about love is, if you don't nurture it, it will start to fade away.
I think as soon as you talk to him about this, things will change. However, if you have a heart-to-heart with him and don't see any difference in his actions - I.E. he doesn't start trying or start telling you he loves you - then you need to reevaluate this relationship. You don't want to be the only one making an effort, and if he isn't going to, then you should find someone that will.
Give him a chance to change. I would give it a month or so. If nothing changes and you're still feeling neglected, then it's time to listen to your friends. Good luck!!
~Daisy Fox