2008 Woodie Awards
Ask The Fox
Issue date: 10/7/05 Section: Life & Times
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My best friend and I have been arguing a lot lately. She says I don't spend enough time with her and I spend too much time with my new boyfriend. I try my best to give them equal time, but I'm in a new relationship and, in my opinion, the beginning is the most important part. I really like this guy and I would love to spend every second of the day with him. When I try to include both of them, my best friend refuses to go because she says she would feel left out. I would never alienate her, and I don't think I ever have, so I don't know where she got that idea. I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose my best friend but I do want to spend a lot of time with this guy. Help!
~Torn Best Friend
Dear Torn,
This is a touchy situation. The first thing you need to do is put yourself in your best friend's shoes and understand her point of view. That way you can understand how to fix things and make them right. Chances are, she's afraid that she's losing her best friend to a guy, which is a scary thing. She probably loves you like a sister and does not want to lose the bond you have. I'm sure you don't either. You need to remind her that she is first and foremost your best friend, but you really like this guy. Tell her how important he is to her but remind her that no matter how much you like this guy, it isn't going to change the friendship you have with her.
I would keep trying to invite her out when you and your new boyfriend go out. Maybe he could bring one of his friends and it would be more comfortable. She doesn't want to be the third wheel, which is understandable, but maybe if a fourth person came along, she wouldn't feel that way.
Also, she could be lonely because you have a boyfriend and she doesn't. Which is completely understandable. If you were in her shoes, you might feel the same way. Try to designate a special time for just the two of you - like a girls night out every Thursday - and stick to it. That way you have special time for her and she won't feel as left behind. Also, spend more time including her in what's going on in your life. Ask her for advice, talk to her about things, more so than usual. She will feel needed and important to you. Just continue to remind her that you're still her best friend and this guy is never going to change that.
Also, don't forget that guys can come and go throughout your life but best friends are really hard to come by. Good luck and try to understand where she is coming from.
~Daisy Fox