2008 Woodie Awards
Ask the Fox
Issue date: 10/14/05 Section: Life & Times
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My boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago. At first it was really hard but I've just started moving on. My birthday is in a couple of days and he dropped a card off for me at my dorm without knocking or telling me he was there. Inside the card it said that he loved me and always would. I called to ask what he meant and he was short with me, saying something like I could figure it out on my own. I don't know what to think of this. I was just starting to move on with my life, and now I miss him. It's like we're breaking up all over again. What do I do? I don't know how to handle this. My roommate suggested that I just cut off all contact from him but I just can't do that. It would be too hard. Any advice?
~Birthday Girl
Dear Birthday Girl,
I'm sorry you have to go through this. Breaking up is really hard to do, no matter how much you love or hate the person. It sounds to me like you may still be in love with this guy, so getting over him is going to be difficult.
Here's my advice: listen to your roommate. The best way to get over someone, in my opinion, is to get them as far away from your mind as possible. Put everything that makes you think of them in a box and hide the box from yourself. Then, after about a month, find the box and see how it makes you feel. If it's sad or too hard to look through your old stuff, then you're not ready to move on. Put the box back away and check again in another month or so. Eventually, looking in the box will bring up fond memories, but you won't want to go back.
It has been my experience that there is always a reason for a break-up. Obviously something didn't work out between the two of you. No matter how much you miss him, you have to remember what that thing was. Are you better off without him? Deep down, you know the answer to this and you need to remind yourself of it every time you feel like you want to go back.
The card was a nice gesture, but if he doesn't want to come out and say what it means, then don't let him play games with you. Don't let him keep you from moving on with your life. If he truly wanted you back, he would tell you.
It sounds like your roommate really cares about you, so talk to her about it. Lean on her; that's what friends are for. And remember, sometimes crying is a good thing: it lets out the pain.
For now, focus on yourself and what you need to do to be happy again. That's what is really important. Good luck and have a happy birthday.
~Daisy Fox