2008 Woodie Awards
Ask the Fox!
Issue date: 11/11/05 Section: Life & Times
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My boyfriend and I are going through a rough patch. We've been in a long distance relationship for over two years now. He just started to make a ton of new friends at his college and he's spending all his time with them. Instead of saving the weekends so we can see each other, he's going to football games, having fun with his friends, and has been too busy for me. I'm jealous not because he's spending time with them but just that they get to spend time with him and I don't. I miss him so much in the month we don't see each other, so when we get the chance to see each other and he wants to be with them, it really hurts me. I don't want to seem selfish but I don't know what to do. I'm afraid to talk to him about it because I don't want him to be mad at me.
~Lost and Lonely
Dear Lost and Lonely,
This is a tricky situation and I'm sorry you have to go through it. Long distance relationships are very hard simply because the time you get to spend with each other is almost sacred, and anything that cuts into that time feels like a problem.
However, with every relationship, whether long distance or not, there needs to complete communication. So, even though you're afraid to talk to him, you need to. You need to tell him, as nicely and sweetly as possible, that although you're happy he's making new friends and having a wonderful college life, you miss him and feel like he doesn't want to come see you. Let him know that you're hurting and you need him right now. See how he responds. Chances are, he has gotten wrapped up in making a ton of new friends, and just figured you would understand.
You two have done this long distance thing for a while now, and this is just a bump in the road. Talk to him, and maybe work out a schedule so that he could spend a weekend with his friends, then a weekend with you. That way both of you are happy. Either that or maybe you could go up there and hang out with him and his friends, that way he can show you off and you can feel like you're part of his new social life.
I know it's hard to talk to him because you're afraid he's going to be mad, but just let him know you're not trying to attack him, but rather, you just want to let him know that you're hurt. Be honest and tell him how you feel. He'll understand. All relationships go through rough patches. It's completely normal and nothing to worry about. Just remember, when you get through this, you'll be a stronger couple because of it. Good luck, and be strong, you can do it!
~Daisy Fox