No School Spirit, No School

The following article is part of a humor series parodying college life. It will be part of a new section of The Sandspur that will encompass sarcastic and amusing pieces. Nothing below is factual or to be taken as a direct quote or statement, it is simply meant for entertainment purposes.

WINTER PARK, FLA- In a recent decision made by Rollins College administration, students caught wearing merchandise from other schools will be booted off campus. This was decided after a group of students attended a men’s soccer game wearing University of Florida, Florida State, and University of Miami attire.

“I’m fed up! I don’t get it,” ranted President Lewis Duncan. “Why not wear a Rollins shirt? If you can pay 20 bucks for a Gators shirt at the mall, you can definitely walk over to the bookstore and buy a similar Rollins shirt for $40.”

In contrast, students do not see the issue in wearing another school’s colors. Gordon Tate ’12, one of 200 students expelled last week, said, “Why is it such a big deal? Rollins practices individuality and diversity. I’m so proud that I go to such an amazing institution. That’s why I was comfortable wearing my FSU hoodie to class every morning.”

To enforce the new policy, Campus Safety has set up booths in front of the Campus Center to examine every student not donning royal blue and gold. If students are caught in another university’s clothing, they will be sent away to their vacation home in Boca Raton or the Hamptons.  The administration says if the matter worsens, Rollins will begin a uniform policy effective as soon as spring 2012. It will include sailor outfits similar to that of Tommy Tar.

As a sign of protest against the policy, undergrads are planning to dress up as Seminoles, gators, and ibises at an undisclosed time next week. “We’re putting our First Amendment rights to use. I’m allowed to wear whatever shirt I want. They should be glad I don’t show up naked every day,” said Renee Green ’14. When asked if anyone would dress as a knight, Green responded, “Now that’s just disrespectful.”