Sexploration

November 1, 2012 Opinion

For centuries, sex has been culturally tied to the bedroom. I guess I get it. It’s comfortable, it’s private, your Taylor Lautner poster is there to stare at if you get bored. But when has comfortable ever meant sexy? I’ll tell you right now: the answer is never.

I don’t care how many candles you light, how much champagne you buy, or how many roses you massacre and scatter all over your 400 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets. It’s just not thrilling. There’s no edge. You’re never going to say, “Hey, remember that time we had sex in the bed?”

Being the Sexpert that I am, I would like to suggest instead some sexier spots to enjoy your partner’s company. If you want to experience something really steamy but still want to stay in the house, why not take things to the shower? Chances are there’s one right around the corner from your bedroom.

Just take your favorite sex buddy by the hand, lead them to the bathroom, and turn that faucet right into the red zone. While you’re waiting for the water to heat up, start getting things hot with your partner. Once everything has reached the right temperature, step into the ceramic sex chamber and enjoy the sight of your partner soaking wet.

There’s no quicker way to look ten times sexier than to get completely drenched, as evidenced by Baywatch and wet t-shirt contests. And don’t be afraid to get dirty. It’ll give you an excuse to scrub each other down with that Sensual Amber crap your aunt got you from Bath & Body Works last Christmas.

Another couple notches up the naughty scale lies the car. Cars are about as easy to find as showers. In fact, many people have one right in their driveway. But cars have something that showers don’t: portability. With a car, you can take your sex anywhere.

Feeling romantic? Cruise on down to the park while it’s raining, hop out and pretend you’re Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams, and then pop back in for some Nicholas Sparks style passion. Feeling like an exhibitionist? Park it at the mall. The fear of getting caught will have your heart beating and adrenaline pumping through your veins. You’ll be tired, hungry, and hot afterwards, but with any luck, there will be a Panda Express just inside.

Go to a playground after dark. Throw a blanket down on an empty beach. Have a hoedown in the hayloft. Use your imagination and chase that spark. Revel in spontaneity because that’s what makes memories. Keep sex fun and special. The bedroom is nice, but there’s a whole sexy world out there to sexplore. You won’t regret it…unless you get arrested for indecent exposure.

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