“The Green” Menace

September 1, 2011 Op-Eds, Opinion

Normally, I have no qualms with the color green. The chartreuse glimmer graces some pretty snazzy things in this world: money, flora, certain insects and reptiles, the Hulk, not to mention the single greatest Power Ranger. But I’ve always been suspicious of green – something about it just gives me the willies and tells me not to trust it. I’ve always suspected green has some sort of inferiority complex with the color blue.

After all, blue is representative of the vast expanses of the sky AND the ocean. Sure, green is a primary additive color, but it has long played a land-locked second fiddle. Besides, do you know what else green represents? Envy. Even worse? Slytherin.

So, whenever I found out that Mills Lawn was renamed ”The Green,” I wasn’t the least bit surprised. In my view, green has been planning this takeover for years – it’s simply trying to claim as much territory as possible in order to validate its own significance.

It’s a last-ditch effort to gain a foothold into the rain-slick precipice that is immorality. Some of my colleagues may be tempted to sympathize with green and all of its plights – but I urge them to do otherwise. After all, there are plenty of underrepresented colors that deserve a chance to be thrust to the center of the color-stage.

Fuchsia, magenta, cobalt, cyan, vermillion and mac ‘n’ cheese orange are all unsung heroes of the color world.

Should we stand idly by and let these fine, upstanding colors fall by the wayside? Should we accept the totalitarian regime that “The Green” has imposed upon these fledgling colors which are all currently struggling in this world to simply make ends-meet? Justice, why have you forsaken us?

Okay. So, I realize that the previous few paragraphs might seem pretty silly, and in fact they are. But we have to wonder why “The Green” is thought to be more scholarly and collegiate sounding when compared to the “Mills Lawn” we know and love. Moreover, it seems like “The Green” plays into the repugnant stereotype of Rollins being a country club rather than a competitive place of higher education.

At the end of the day, I realize the success or failure of our school certainly cannot be dependent on the name of our lawn, and our school’s success will continue to come from our unique approach to education (RCCs, peer mentors, etc.).

But if we are going to rename it, why not something like “The Mac ‘n’ Cheese?” The other colors need lovin’ too.

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