The wonders of college roommates — they never cease to amaze, am I right? The most common annoyance (or source of enjoyment, depending on which way you look at it) is the act of being “sexiled.”
Sexiled (adverb): the act of being displaced from one’s room for the sole purpose of one’s roommate being able to participate in one or more sexual acts. Usually accompanied with uncomfortable aftermath and increased tension on the roommate relationship.
You may not have been aware that you are not the only one who has had the awkward displeasure of either coming home to an explanatory sock on the doorknob or being ever so gently asked to excuse yourself for a few minutes so your roommate can have some alone time with his or her special guest. The following is a series of 100 percent true anecdotes about what really happens when someone is sexiled. And remember, just because you are on the other side of the door does not mean you are truly out of the equation.
(Names have been changed to protect the victims’ identities.)
Walk of Shame, Sans Shame
When returning home to her dorm from a rather uneventful night out, a rustle in her roommate’s sheets unpleasantly surprised Christine. When her roommate realized that Christine was home and going to become quickly unamused, her current “partner” hopped out of bed, handed Christine the keys to his room so she could sleep in his bed, told her to buy a snack from the vending machine with his Tar Buc$, and walked her to the door. Poor, inebriated Christine was too tired to even reap the benefits of a free snack and headed straight to the guy’s room, where his roommate was luckily nowhere to be found. When she awoke in the morning, she noticed his roommate sleeping in the other bed causing her to make a quick, unnoticed exit (still adorning night club attire, may I add).
Upon venturing toward the door, Christine awoke the guy’s roommate, who let out a roaring “Why the hell are you in my room, Christine?” She decided not to reply, and continued on her way to making the famous Sunday morning walk of shame, without all the fun that might cause the actual shame.
Get a (Real) Room
A few glasses of wine into a gathering within a Sutton apartment, things seem to get steamy between Heather and her boyfriend Frank. While Heather’s roommates socialize with a few of the friends Frank brought over, the couple stops canoodling on the couch and makes a quick escape. Not to Heather’s bedroom, but to the bathroom closest to the living room. No one seems to take much interest in their actions until one of the roommates hears an ever-telling shriek that peaks her interest. Red light permeates from the space beneath the door, meaning the heat light is on.
She promptly turns the music down and is greeted with a symphony of pleasure filled moans and howls loud enough to let the entire party know what the couple was up to. Embarrassed, Heather’s roommates apologize to their guests. “Don’t worry, this happens every Saturday at Frank’s place, too. I am used to it by now. Usually there is more slapping,” replied Frank’s friend. Moral of the story: being sexiled can happen virtually anywhere, especially when you have a frisky roommate.
When in Doubt, Get Creative
Chelsea had just made quite the “connection” with a guy outside of Ward Hall. When things began to heat up, she decided to invite her new friend into her dorm for some ”casual conversation.” When she entered her dorm, however, her roommate had already begun some “conversation” of her own. Not being one to disturb a busy roommate, Chelsea decided to take her business elsewhere. She needed someplace close by, yet comfortable enough to fully enjoy the experience. Upon some deep contemplation, she decided on the handicap ramp in front of Dianne’s Cafe in Mary Jean Plaza. She grabbed the comforter from her bed, and headed to the ramp. The coast was clear, the comforter was laid out and the “casual conversation” began. Doing it under the stars is much better than not doing it at all.