Who Stole Hamilton?

The bust of Hamilton Holt, which rests in the alcove of the stairwell on the first floor of the Mills Building, was kidnapped at some point during the past few weeks. Recently, the bust was found in a public location on campus, and he has since been returned to his official place. Through careful, intensive research, The Sand­spur has accumulated a list of the top suspects in the case.

Suspect: Tommy Tar

Motive: The mascot feels unappreciated because he’s only invited to certain events, and otherwise goes unrecognized. Many aspir­ing and current students do not even understand what a Tar is. He has always secretly wanted his own bust, and he figured if he removed Holt’s head, a new one would eventually be put in its place.

Suspect: The Fox statue

Motive: With all the cur­rent changes to Fox Day, the Fox just couldn’t take it anymore. He decided that he will vacation on Cocoa Beach this year. He removed the Holt bust and left it in his place in President Duncan’s office. This year it will not be Fox Day, it will be Holt Day.

Suspect: The ghost of Annie Russell

Motive: While poor Annie only had a theatre named after her, Hamilton Holt not only a residence hall named after him, but an entire branch of the college. Annie’s envy of Holt’s fame became too much. What would the school do next? Rename the Bush Building in Hamilton Holt’s namesake as well?

Suspect: Spirits of Galloway Room portraits

Motive: These looming representations, whose eyes seem to follow you wherever you walk, have always been jealous of Hamilton Holt, who receives three-dimensional recogni­tion. They created a plan to get revenge; Hamilton Holt’s bust will never see the light of day again.

Although Hamilton Holt has been returned, if you happen to have any insight as to who kidnapped him, please contact Bethany Gray, Facilities and Exhibitions Director, at 407-646- 2519. If you have a chance, please take a few moments to stop by his home, and let him know he was sorely missed.

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