Fox Day Season

April 10, 2014 Opinion

From partying at the beach to relaxing with Netflix, Fox Day offers a variety of ways to enjoy this anticipated holiday.

Here it is guys: the big one. Fox Day. As a freshman, I have had this amped up to me more than the second coming of Jesus or even Taco Bell’s new breakfast menu. Sure, you had Spring Break just a little while ago, but throwing up and pissing your pants in Panama City can hardly compare to the special nature of Fox Day. You will be the envy of all your friends at other colleges, for while they are in boring classes learning Latin Geometry, or whatever, you’ll be living it up, most likely throwing up and pissing your pants somewhere fun. You have skipped doing your homework twice on false alarms, but now the time is here. When you see that statue placed, you will weep those special tears usually reserved for weddings and Drake songs. Once you have dried your eyes, you have some choices to make. Specifically, what do you do with this day full of college-level possibility?

To begin, we will enter into the mind of a classic college bro guy; let’s call him Chad McFancyMuscles (he is Irish). It is 6 a.m. and you just got the text from one of your pledges that it is the big F.D. You respond with a joke about giving someone the big D. After an awkward lack of laughter, you pound two brewskies to get you into the zone. Take that third golden delight into the bathroom to revel in some glorious shower beer to start the day off right. Next, gather the bros (statistically, this will consist of $300+ of Vineyard Vines shorts, three pairs of Ray Bans, and at least twelve mentions of the phrase ‘turn up’).  After some more liquid courage, it is all aboard whatever transportation you have organized to lead you to the beach/promise land. Whether by party bus or car, all non driving personnel will be downing more liquid wrecking balls in an effort to make it seem like you are walking on sand before you even get on the beach. Once on that saltwater party porch, it is now your God-sent mission to make the scene a combination of American Pie and the volleyball scene from Top Gun. Depending on your naughty water consumption, you will either pass out at the beach, on the bus, or drink just enough Red Bull to remain conscious until you get back to campus. Either way, you have made a dehydrated, sunburnt memory of a day.

Another option is to stay on campus. Perhaps a hot open space full of moral questioning is just not your style. Maybe your money is tight or you possibly developed an irrational phobia of leaving campus. Either way, you figure you do not need a beach and adventure; you can have a jolly time with some school-sponsored activities! To start, you have got breakfast at the campus center for anyone with the mental dexterity to get up before 9 a.m. If you are a member of this group, I both applaud you and pity you. After this, you have a pizza party to take you back to that day in high school when your class raised the most cans for the food drive. Now, before you lose yourself over the campus picnic, make sure to also take advantage of the games and ‘inflatables’ to send you back to that one birthday party where the kid got a bouncy castle. This combination of pizza party and inflatable fun is sure to delight the child in you while making your stomach more upset than a philosophy major at a job fair.

The third option is that you sleep in, eat a well-balanced meal, catch up on some homework, and rest easy while binging on some Netflix like a coke head in The Wolf of Wall Street. If this is your option, I am glad you know what you are about, but please do not wag your finger at the people still trying to make a story to tell at dinner parties.

About Luke Strickler

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