I couldn’t help but notice that you changed many words and phrases in my letter to the editor last week. Normally, I don’t mind a little bit of editing — it’s a surprise — and I’m a man that likes surprises (I also enjoy danger, impudence, coconuts and the occasional hot bubble bath). But I was simultaneously flabbergasted and flummoxed to see my words changed and rearranged without my consultation whatsoever! If it has my name on it, I demand to know your changes prior to printing them! Oh, Sandspur, you will rue the day! (Or is it now Sandpurrr? Let me know if I should take this up with the cats living by the campus center.)
So, here’s the deal: if this letter gets published in your paper I want every word, comma, sentence, asterisk, semicolon, ellipses and psychotic rambling completely untouched and unmanaged. This letter needs to be raw. It needs to be visceral! This letter is going to be in your face – and there’s nothing your fancy editor pants can do about it. So let’s put it to the test.
Ballsack. Whoa! I know what you’re thinking — you probably think I’m trying to be offensive just so I can get my kicks. In reality, I am expressing my advocacy for there to be actual ballsacks available in the Alfond Sports Center. The current system of storing those basketballs in the cupboard is a complete waste of valuable storage space. Do you see what happens when you assume the worst Sandspur? Tsk-tsk. Let’s try again.
Smorgasbord. I just like the way that word sounds. Naturally, I probably just set off your editor alarm bells and defense systems. I can hear your voices now; they’re probably saying something like “Oh no, a nonsequitur! We can’t publish that!” But might I remind you of our little deal we now have. This is the very definition of intensity and in-your-face-sity.
Of course, I do realize that your perhaps-cat-based paper is understaffed and under tight time constraints. I’m guessing it is currently difficult to get enough articles together in the first place, let alone have meetings with the individual writers to okay any edits.
Regardless, I believe original intent of the author is very worthy of preservation. You just let me know who I can take up this tiff with — and I’m not afraid of cats — and we’ll work on sett ling the score together.
I think we are moving in the right direction, and I are feels so good about teh future!