It’s a Thursday night. You’re curled up on the couch, half-watching a reality show you know is trash. The cookies you made earlier are no longer warm. Your phone is lying face-up on the cushion next to you, and then the thought creeps in: “Should I text them?”
It’s not your boyfriend. It’s not your girlfriend. It’s also not “just a friend.”
It’s something in between, something that doesn’t quite have a name.
Except lately, it does: a situationship.
What Exactly is a Situationship?
Situationships are described as relationships that involve emotional connection, intimacy, and shared time — but without a clear commitment or label. Think of it as a relationship that talks, walks, acts, and feels like dating but is never defined as official.
A 2024 study that used thematic analysis found that people in situationships reported many of the same romantic behaviors as established couples — affection, physical intimacy, and quality time — but without defining markers of commitment such as an agreed label, exclusivity, public acknowledgment, or meeting each other’s families.
Why Do Situationships Happen?
Romantic relationships have long served important psychological needs. They bring belonging, companionship, intimacy, and emotional support.
As discussed in Professor Alice Davidson’s Adolescent Development class, the drive to form close romantic bonds begins in the teenage years and continues into adulthood.
Recently, a study from USAFacts in 2024 found that the average age for a first marriage was roughly 30 for men and 28 for women. Young adults are increasingly delaying long-term commitment, spending more time in a period where they may want connection and experience but are not ready not looking, for partnership.
Situationships may be more common due to this longer window of emerging adulthood, offering a way to experience intimacy without the weight of a formal relationship.
Situationship’s Devil’s Advocate
Despite the complicated reputation, situationships are not automatically negative.
For some people, the absence of a label creates a sense of freedom. Committed relationships require emotional energy, time, and compromise. Situationships can offer connection and companionship without those expectations.
There can also be less pressure without the need to define the relationship. When people focus on how they feel in the present rather than where things are going, they may be able to enjoy time together without the pressure of planning a long-term future.
When both people share that perspective — enjoying the present without expectations about the future — a situationship can be a low-pressure and fulfilling arrangement.
When it Gets Complicated
Gray areas work best when everyone sees the same shade of gray.
That is not always the case.
Situationships can be one-sided. One person may enjoy a casual connection while the other hopes it will grow into something more. Conversations about exclusivity often never happen — and because the relationship remains undefined, jealousy and uncertainty can fill the gaps.
For the person who wants more, the emotional cost can grow. Because situationships tend to be ambiguous, the partner who is more invested may begin to measure their self-worth against whether the other person chooses them.
In those cases, people sometimes idealize their partner — filling in the unknown with the best possible version of that person — while quietly devaluing themselves.
When situationships end, they can end messily. Being ghosted, broken up with over text, or slowly faded out are common experiences. Without the social recognition of a “real” breakup, the grief can feel harder to process.
So, What Should We Do?
There is no universal answer. Situationships look different for every person and every relationship.
A few things can help, regardless of which side of the arrangement someone is on.
- Be honest with yourself. Are you comfortable with the way things are, or are you hoping they will eventually change? Neither answer is wrong — but recognizing what you want is important.
- Say what you feel and what you want. Those conversations can feel uncomfortable, but staying silent does not protect anyone. It only delays clarity. If you want more — or if you do not — the other person deserves to know.
Still Figuring It Out
Situationships are not inherently good or bad. Like most relationships, context matters. They exist in the space between what we want and what we’re willing to say out loud.
When they are mutual, honest, and intentional, they can be a meaningful way for young adults to explore connections. When expectations are unspoken or unequal, the same ambiguity can lead to confusion and emotional strain.
The most important thing is understanding what you want — and giving yourself permission to ask for it. Whatever shape a relationship takes, the thing that matters the most is awareness, of your own needs and of the other person. Not every connection needs a label to be real, but they all deserve honesty.
The opinions on this page do not necessarily reflect those of The Sandspur or Rollins College. Have any additional tips or opinions? Send us your response. We want to hear your voice.
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