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THE CAMPUS VISIT FROM HELL: One student tour guide’s horror story.

April Fools’! The content on this page is meant to be read as satire and in no way reflects the opinions of The Sandspur, its staff or Rollins College. 

Rollins College recently added 50 workers to their morning leaf blower crew payroll, citing a noticeable increase in the number of unblown leaves on campus.

The doubling of workers was in response to a crisis first brought to the Rollins College Office of Admission by a student tour guide who wishes to remain unnamed due to the sensitive nature of the complaints she received. “I take most of the earlier campus tours out during the week. I don’t mind it. And usually it’s been fine, but starting I guess a month ago, we started having issues with the leaves. You know, on the sidewalks.”

Apparently there simply weren’t enough individuals blowing leaves to ensure that the work was being done well and in a timely manner. Some areas of campus were not blown clean of leaves until after 9 am.

Leaves? Still on the sidewalk? I mean, I don’t know if I even would have applied if I’d seen that.

“I noticed it, but didn’t want to point out such a major flaw to potential students,” said the student guide. “Like, can you imagine if you had seen that on your tour? Leaves? Still on the sidewalk? I mean, I don’t know if I even would have applied if I’d seen that.”

Eventually though, it became clear it was affecting the potential students’ (and their parents’) perception of the school. “I had one family leave halfway through the tour. They actually picked up a clump and threw leaves at me as they left! That was a hard day for me,” the student guide sniffled. Others were more discreet, gently guiding their children around the leaf-strewn sidewalk or quietly mentioning it to staff members.
Rollins quickly took action, poaching experienced leaf blowers from around the Winter Park and Orlando areas. The new workers will also start work earlier, thereby disrupting students’ sleep long before the first classes of the morning begin. “It’s a sacrifice we’re willing to make,” said one resident of Ward Hall, “but just because it’s clearly such an important issue.”

Rollins urges its students to stay out of the way of the new workers in the morning to avoid accidentally kicking any plant matter onto the sidewalks and to remark loudly how clean and leaf-free the sidewalks on campus are as they pass any and all tour groups.

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