Drug-sniffing lizards placed in residential halls

As reports of drug use and abuse increase on campus, Rollins is introducing new security measures to ensure that its students remain drug-free. Next year, the campus will introduce drug-sniffing lizards that will live in the residence halls with students.

Since last year, a select group of lizards has been trained to sniff out some of the most commonly used drugs on college campuses. Lizards are much easier to train and take care of than the drug-sniffing dogs that law enforcement has become so accustomed to using.

The campus decided to accept some of these lizards as a part of the Rollins family after they were proven to be effective when the concept was introduced and implemented by police in Arizona.

The lizards will be given free reign over their respective residence halls. They cannot do their job if they are in a cage all of the time, so students are urged to be aware of their surroundings at all times so that the lizards do not have to worry about being stepped on or otherwise crushed. Students should also keep in mind that harming one of the lizards will count as an assault on a law enforcement employee.

If a lizard is in your dorm room, do not be alarmed. It is just doing its job, and if you have nothing to hide, it will be on its way out shortly. Should the lizard discover any illegal substance, it will report directly to the Winter Park Police Department.

If you happen to spot one or more of these reptiles, please refrain from picking up or otherwise distracting them. They are trying to work, and you would be interfering with an ongoing police investigation.

Rollins hopes that the lizards and students will be able to coexist in the residence halls with little issue. Anyone who has a phobia of or is otherwise concerned about sharing living and learning spaces with lizards is encouraged to contact the Wellness Center or the Office of Residential Life and Explorations.

 

April Fools!! The content in this article is meant to be read in satire and does not represent the opinions of The Sandspur, its staff, or Rollins College.

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