As I am sure many of you have noticed, there are two odd patches of grass on Mills Lawn in front of the Mills Building.
Although these may seem like just regular, discolored bits of astro turf, it turns out these ugly patches of grass are serving a greater purpose. Recently, Dr. John Melina in the astrological studies department received notice that this distasteful faux-grass is actually a government subsidized attempt to make extraterrestrial contact.
In a recent interview he was quoted as saying “They’re out there, man, and we have to make sure that we’re prepared.”
His plan is to use the unsightly and discolored patches of grass to signal to the alien species from above that this is a landing spot and then capture these Aliens for further study. using them as bargaining chips when the Alien invasion begins.
April is a month that has historically been known for higher rates of Alien sightings, so please be prepared for some interesting celestial sights. If you start to see UFOs—Unidentified Flying Objects, for those of you who are not used to the lingo—please do not panic.