New Sexpert Emily Kelly flirts with the idea of sex on the first date.
The Sexperts began as an initiative to open a dialogue about the topic of sex, relationships, and love as it pertains to our generation. We’ve covered a wide range of topics from homosexual stereotypes to maintaining one’s virginity through college to love games and long distance relationships. All of these topics are made approachable to the reader via humor and wit, but always keeping in mind that sex is serious.
Each Sexpert comes from a diverse sexual and emotional background—offering a different perspective, and a voice that (hopefully) appeals to each individual reader. In this issue we welcome new Sexpert Emily Kelly. A sophomore who has lived at Rollins for the past two years, she has a unique point of view on what it’s like to be a heterosexual female on campus. Most importantly, Emily has a strong yet playful voice, as evidenced by her past articles in The Sandspur.
Thus I now have the pleasure of introducing our newest Sexpert and her debut column on the topic of “sex on the first date.”
– David Matteson
It was that sort of night. Cheap beer, a pack of Marb Reds, and condoms: those were the three items arranged on the checkout counter at Seven Eleven, three items that would accompany me to a near-stranger’s apartment. Last names were irrelevant. It was the sort of wild college night that begins with locking lips in the back of a cab and ends with that long-anticipated sexual salvation you both crave, sex that feels so out-of-this-world you almost want to film it. Not unlike a good porno, the night, the sex, the eighteen pack of bud heavy, comes to a climax. Unfortunately, this particular type of foray is usually followed by a morning that begins with a hangover and ends with a walk of shame.
My girlfriends and I were chatting on one of these mornings: the hot topic was my most recent sexual escapade. As I worked a comb through my tangled bedroom hair and scrubbed the crusty mascara from my eyes, my friends reminded me of one of the laws of love I had not observed since high school: the three date rule.
Essentially, the rule dictates that a person should not have sex with their partner until after the third date. The consensus was that having sex prior to the third date, or, God forbid, on the first date, is trampy and disqualifies you from ever being considered “girlfriend material.”
The taboo surrounding sex on the first date is, perhaps, the most ludicrous notion I have seen so many, particularly, women, endorse. No, ladies, you don’t owe your new partner a blow job because he bought you one lousy campus center meal; you owe yourself a good time. Whether that means slipping out of your lace panties or a simple good night kiss, the extent of your erotic exploits are decided only by you and your partner.
Having sex on the first date has its perks: it allows partners the opportunity to take notice of any strange fetishes the other may have. If you find your partner is aroused by threesomes or bondage, seize the opportunity to set the limits on sex early on in the relationship.
First date sex can also decrease the awkward sexual tension that seems to boil up in sexless relationships: when a couple avoids the sex talk for a prolonged period of time, anxiety can breed confusion. Speaking openly about sex with your partner is essential.
If you choose to have sex, whether it is on the first date or the thirty-first date, or if you choose to refrain from sex, do so because you want to, not because some outdated rule book told you to.
I have broken the three date rule twice, and each time it has lead to a long term relationship unhampered by awkward sexual anxiety, not a walk of shame. Remember, rules were made to be broken.
The opinions on this page do not necessarily reflect those of The Sandspur, its staff or Rollins College.
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