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Sexperts: Do It. Do It Everywhere.

Although sex in public is frowned upon, there are ways to get away with it. Here are a few tips to make your public quickie exciting, not embarrassing.

It often happens sporadically.  You might be touring a museum and find a hidden nook and cranny that feels secluded enough.  Or you might be on the beach and notice that no one is around you.  Hell, it can even happen in the Pillow Room, especially when the entire library is open 24 hours.

Sex in public is often frowned upon as illegal and primitive.  But those two justifications are exactly what make it so exciting.  It’s fast, dirty and fun—but the trick is not getting caught.

Reading through Rollins Confessions on a particularly dull day, I was surprised by the number of people who have had sex in public venues on campus.  It seems like everywhere from the garage to Dinky Dock has been utilized by at least one couple as a sexual oasis.  Even my particular favorite location, the Basement offices of WPRK (sorry fellow journalists) have been used by multiple DJs broadcasting their show over the air while simultaneously getting laid.

Sex in public is certainly risky and there is a level of primitive perversion that is associated with the practice, but successfully getting off in a shared space can be some of the most memorable sex you’ll ever have.  In order to partake in this quasi-illegal behavior you need to mentally prepare yourself for the endeavor.  Read the following advice to get in, get off and get out with ease.

Discretion is Key. Sexual rumors fly around this campus and quickly taint a person’s reputation. Whether you’re the guy with herpes or the girl sleeping with the rehab-bound drug addict, people are going to judge you no matter what.  Add sex in public into the mix, and it doesn’t matter if you’re founder and president of Club XYZ—if you’re exposed, your only identity will be that of the pervert guy who receives head in the bathroom of local smoothie cafes.

That’s where discretion becomes key.  Make sure that the person you’re doing the dirty with is someone you can trust, and isn’t about to run around Rollins sharing your dirty intimate secrets.  Having public sex may lead you to feel accomplished and invincible, but becoming the talk of the school will reduce you to a vulnerable state.  Trust is everything, and it is important to establish this prior to your sexual misconduct.

Choose the Right Location and Time.  Finding the right place is often difficult, and as I stated in the lead to this column the right location might spring upon you sporadically.  However, for your first public outing I would suggest having a tentative plan in mind.  Figure out where and when you two will meet, and come prepared and in a sexual mindset.

I do have a few suggestions on choosing the right location.  First of all, recognize that not all places are ones you can gain access to.  The rooftop of the Bank of America building in downtown Orlando might be particularly exciting and phallic in nature, but that dream is a little difficult to manage. Instead, maybe settle on the roof of your boyfriend or girlfriend’s apartment building.  This has been a particularly exciting locale for me in the past, especially when the building has a choice location overlooking Park Avenue.  Also, do a quick survey of the location to make sure that there are no functioning cameras in the vicinity.  Poor campus security does not want to watch your failed attempts at crazy, animalistic sex.

Between my friends and myself I have collected a variety of interesting places to safely have sex in public.  Of course, when doing it in a car, it is often a good idea to park in an abandoned lot—churches and daytime diners are often great parking places for vehicular sex.  For more open places, try sporting fields and playgrounds that are not currently in use, such as those attached to public schools (Winter Park Ninth Grade Center is within walking distance of the Rollins campus.)

When you become more adventurous, the thrill of sex in public stems from having it in particularly exciting landmarks.  One of my friends has had sex on several of the Disney rides despite the fact that there are cameras along the way, but he swears by having quick sex in the Haunted Mansion—especially when they stop the ride to allow disabled people on.  I’m much more partial to historic monuments like forts or former homes of historic figures—I feel as if I am receiving a surreal history lesson in addition to getting off.

Also prepare to wait for just the right time to get it on.  Use this wait time as a form of foreplay.  Maybe start discretely petting one another in a way that’s sexually exciting or whisper silly comments that turn each other on. The most important part of this waiting game is to be casual.  If you act nervous or unnatural, people in the surrounding area might become aware of your intentions—which will lead to your increased paranoia and possibly ruin the moment.

Dress the Part.  If you’re planning on having sex in public, it is important to abide by a certain dress code.  Underwear is usually not recommended for either partner, as this takes time and patience to remove when you might only have a few quick minutes.

Bathing suits are great uniforms for sex in public—a quick untying of a bow or tearing of a Velcro strip and you’re good to go.  Of course these aren’t feasible for some locations, and in these cases just limit the number of layers and accessories you are wearing.  If you plan on wearing a belt, be sure it is one that can quickly come undone.

Furthermore, recognize the fact that you are most likely not going to be fully undressed during this type of intercourse.  Generally speaking, sex in public requires a quick shift of fabric before penetration begins.  You’ll most likely have your pants rubbing against your calves or ankles, so be sure that these are a comfortable fabric that isn’t going to bother you the entire time.

Sex in public is exciting.  It’s dangerous and illegal, but also thrilling and memorable.  The most important thing is to be safe and recognize boundaries.  After a few hot and heavy public moments you’ll begin to understand the thrill, and you’ll quickly be on your way to becoming a true exhibitionist.

The opinions on this page do not necessarily reflect those of The Sandspur, its staff or Rollins College.

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