Dirty talk can get weird fast, but one sexpert investigates the right time for those oh so wrong words.
While reading for a class on the topic of ethnomusicology, I recently learned of the importance of maintaining a cohesive relationship between vocals and instrumentals. Together, this creates a work that is appealing to the ear.
It may seem unrelated, but this led me to a separate mental tangent on the topic of talking while having sex. That is, if the words, moans, and other expletive noises do not properly correlate with the rhythm created by two bodies (for the polyamorous replace this number with that which you desire), then the entire sexual encounter may be a complete bust.
In fact, I brought the topic of dirty talk up with a coworker at my part-time job, and he offered a solid analysis of this practice, “I’m okay with a girl moaning in my ear or whispering a few words like (fill in adult related sexual instructions here), but I hate when it doesn’t flow.” I get that. I also hate when I start having sex and my partner immediately jumps to words like, “Faster, Harder, Deeper, etc.” Take your time; you should warm up your vocal chords prior to moving on to such expletives.
Once I started to expand my ideas surrounding dirty talk, I realized that the words we say in bed might have stronger meaning than we think. Aren’t the most meaningful, relationship defining moments those that occur post-coital? Is pillow talk not just a cleaner, more loving form of the sexy language we utilize in the moment? It was a theory I was keen on examining.
I started asking friends about their post-orgasm conversations and they seemed to directly correlate with the type of relationship they are in. For those in committed long-term romances (myself included), pillow talk can go on for hours. Often times this might be when a couple shares anecdotes about their day, such as a story about how your friend decided to chow down on three entire trays of sushi in the campus center. This might coincide with the request that your partner, “go ahead and pull out.” This type of talk is indicative of a relationship that is not only sexual, but based in companionship.
Then I talked to my more promiscuous friends—those who have had a series of partners within the past few weeks. One was afraid that if he let a girl talk to him for a lengthy amount of time, she might grow too “attached.” Another found pillow talk a complete waste of her time when all she really wanted was her partner to hit the road.
The idea of fearing what one might say in bed made me think of dirty talk as a form of experimental language. Do we test the waters with the words we say during sex?
I know I’m guilty of this. The first time I said, “I love you” to my current partner occurred mid-orgasm. I even tried to recover the statement by adding the weak explanation “…for sex.”
My coworker agreed with me that embarrassing things are often said in the moment, and that he thinks of sex as a form of truth serum. Which is why he says that staying silent throughout the act is definitely the way to go.
For me, I’ll continue to whisper and yell dirty ditties throughout my love-making—after all according to my music textbook that’s what makes an appealing experience.
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