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Sexperts: The Art of Dorm Sex

As you settle in at college, you’ll find dorm sex is an unavoidable and hopefully enjoyable part of your Rollins experience. A Sexpert shows you how to do it right without causing a ruckus.

Welcome freshmen, to your sexual awakening.

Sex at college is one of the oldest clichés. Free of the burden of parental supervision, you will surely feel the need to open new sexual doors and discover the intimate side of yourself. However, sex at college is far from the romanticized experiences that you have dreamed of. Surely you’ve noticed that your extended twin mattress are not meant to house two bodies, hell for some of you it won’t even support your body. Further, the incessant smell of vomit that plagues McKean hall is hardly the romantic aroma you are craving. Not to mention the door alarm in Ward which seems to always go off right before you or your partner climax.

Yet despite these factors, Rollins students continue to have sex in their dorms, finding one way or another to make it work. So, before you are bored by the never-ending orientation speeches that you are about to sit through, read this Sexpert’s tips for having dorm sex.

Sexile the Roommate- The majority of you have roommates (for those of you lucky enough to be in a single you may end up sleeping in a double at some point so continue reading), and thus having sex in the dorms presents an additional problem: what to do with the roommate? Despite Res Life’s best intentions to match up candidates, it seems that every room ends up with a virgin and a nymphomaniac expected to coexist in tight quarters (especially in Ward, i.e. honors housing). Thus it becomes key to sit your roommate down and discuss what to do when you’re planning on having a sleepover.

Sexiling, is the practice of kicking your roommate out so that you and your date can do the dirty. There are proper ways to sexile, along with horror stories of roommates being woken and thrown out at four in the morning. Don’t be that guy, no one likes that guy except for slutty girls. Simply set up a schedule of when you both are willing to leave the room. Having an open conversation about sex is the first step towards a healthy roommate relationship.

Moan Quietly- It is unacceptable to wake up to the sound of banging walls and moaning. Your neighbors do not care if you haven’t had sex in three weeks and you just have to get it on. No sympathy will be given. Instead, neighbors often bang on the walls right back, which really puts a damper on the mood. Or, if you’re lucky enough to have an RA as your neighbor, he or she might be so bold as to knock on your door and make sure you’re using a condom.

So if you simply must be loud, take this advice for having quiet kinky sex. The first step, after the roommate is out of the room, is to move the mattress onto the floor. This is important, as it will give you more room and a far less severe fall if one of you should be tossed from the bed. It also prevents the headboard and bed springs from making awful screeching noises.

To prevent loud moaning try to keep your partner quiet. Some of my girl friends have reported that guys have pressed their hands to their mouths or even slapped them to keep from being heard through the paperthin walls. While some people may enjoy this, most are not into kinky gag-and-bound sex, so it becomes important to simply remind your partner verbally to keep quiet.

Cuddle Buddies- Oh the joys of twin beds. It is nearly impossible to fit two people on these teeny tiny mattresses, thus the only way to cuddle post-sex is to assume a spooning position. Be prepared that you will wake up with a strained neck and back. Of course, most of my sexcapades in the dorms were further heightened by the joy of having sore muscles the next day. That being said, don’t use cramped quarters as an excuse to throw a girl or guy out after you both have come. That’s just rude. Simply suck it up and have ibuprofen on hand to heal your aching pains the next morning.

Overall, dorm sex is difficult and requires flexibility, agility and the ability to communicate with your roommate and partner. It will also be some of the most memorable sex of your life. So as you paddle through your weekend of welcoming speeches, rules and regulations, look forward to the fact that sex is surely on the horizon.

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