After the Fred Stone Theatre was officially condemned last weekend, it has been decided by Facilities and the upper administration that the Theatre department’s new black box theatre will just be a 3’x3’x6’ cardboard refrigerator box that will be spray painted black sometime in the next 5 to 10 years.
This decision has been met by mixed reaction from theater students. “On one hand, it can only fit two performers and one audience member, who all have to lay down in the prone position, which is bad. But on the other hand the roof won’t collapse and kill me, which is good.” said Nick D’Alessandro ‘18, a theatre major and member of Rollins Improv Players (RIP).
“We care deeply about our theater students and their safety” said a representative of the administration as they held back a snicker. “That’s why we are proud to provide the department with the best facilities $3.05 can buy. Some have voiced displeasure over the decision, but I think they misunderstand our priorities as an institution. Like, what do they think we are? A college? We’ve got event venues to build!”
This development poses some problems for the theatre department. “Really the hardest part of transitioning to this new space is going to be exorcising the ghost of Fred Stone from the pile of rubble that is the Fred Stone Theater and encouraging him to haunt the new facility, “said Dr. David Charles, director of RIP and chair of theatre department.
April Fools!! The content in this article is meant to be read in satire and does not represent the opinions of The Sandspur, its staff, or Rollins College.